Doc Love: She Likes Drinking With Her Ex

By Doc Love

This week's question comes from a guy who's in a good relationship, except for the fact that his girl likes to booze it up with the local boys, including her macho ex.

reader's question
Hey Doc,

Before I met Jolene I memorized “The System.” I’ve made a few small missteps with her, but I expected that to happen. I used humor to get past my mistakes and it’s the best relationship I’ve had so far. We’ve been dating for about three months now and have been on more than 20 dates. I see her two to three times a week, we talk about positive topics, and she is very Flexible and Giving. When I was an hour late for a date once, she said: “Honey, I’m just happy to see you at all!”
Everything is going fine, except for this: While I’m 23 and work full-time, she’s only 20 and still in college. During the week we live different lives. Jolene goes out drinking with her guy friends while I’m at home getting ready for work the next day. Several times her macho guy friends have made moves on her, but she shoots them down like ducks at a firing range. It bothers me that she goes out drinking with a bunch of dudes, but I would never say anything because her Interest Level would only go down. However, her macho ex-boyfriend has recently started sending me e-mails saying how he knows her better than I do, that he’s still in love with her and that he’s going to wait out our relationship.

she's living a different life
Now, this normally would not be a problem except that Jolene goes to school about 30 minutes from where I live and work. This isn’t really a long distance, but her obsessed macho ex lives two minutes from her dorm room. They have a lot of the same friends and they hang out together a few times a week while I only see her on the weekend. He tells her that our relationship can’t last because I live too far away and he reminds her that he’s only two minutes away from her at all times. The problem is that she agrees with him. You say it’s ideal to see a girlfriend two times a week, and I agree, but Jolene does not seem to feel the same way.

Should I worry about this Macho Boy putting the moves on my girl while I’m asleep and far away? Should I move up to seeing her three to four times a week? And should I worry about her drinking with a gang of guys who would take her in a second if they could?

Steph - who has followed “The System” and gotten this far

doc love's answer
Hi Steph,

What you told me straight out of the gate is absolutely fantastic, and here’s why: You were prepared for this girl. Most guys come to me when they’ve already been going out with a girl for six to eight months and they’re in deep trouble. By the time they get to me, they have to try and undo all the boo-boos they made during those six to eight months. It’s at that hopeless point that they first realize how many blunders they’ve made. But the problem, of course, is that it’s already too late -- the woman’s Interest Level has taken a nose dive. However, you have my book first and armed yourself for what was to come. I want to congratulate you on your foresight.

By the way, I hope you called Jolene a half-hour before you were supposed to see her and told her you were going to be late. Most guys just show up late or call when they’re already late. To you Psych majors: When you know you’re not going to be on time for a date, call 30 minutes or sooner before you’re supposed to meet the girl. That way she knows you’re not standing her up or playing with her head.

20 = trouble
So, Jolene is only 20 years old. You know what I say about 18- to 22-year-olds, don’t you? They’re just little girls.

Now, let me get this straight. While you’re spending your evenings preparing yourself to make money, this girl’s knocking back Jack Daniels with the boys? Wow -- you two certainly are living different lives! You’re busting your butt and her life is a big party. And why is this girl having more than two drinks? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: “If she has more than two drinks when she goes out on the town, she’s an alcoholic and you should get rid of her.”

can she really be trusted?
However, she tells these other guys who are coming on to her to hit the bricks, huh? That's her version of events, is it? And you believe her? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says: “I happen to have some swamp land in Georgia that’s worth a fortune if you’d care to talk about it!”

It’s true that Jolene’s Interest Level would go south if you told her she couldn’t go out drinking and carousing with her friends. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “The problem you got is that you fell in love with a barfly!”

be the bigger e-mail man
When you receive those annoying e-mails from Macho Boy, don’t answer them. Just hit the delete button. You’re not going to play his game, Steph. And don’t mention anything about this crap to Jolene. The more serious issue is this: This jerk is a lurking ex. What did I tell you in my book about ex-boyfriends creeping around in the background? Apparently, you didn’t memorize “The System” like you said you did -- or you skipped over a big part of it!

Actually, Macho Boy is helping you. When a guy blasts you, the girl usually goes on the defensive and takes the side of the guy getting blasted or wants to know what all the noise is about. However, I don’t like the fact that Jolene hangs around this guy, and like you said, there’s nothing you can say about it. Again, you’re dealing with a 20-year-old ding-dong who loves bar-hopping with the boys instead of trying to get As in college -- which is what she’s supposed to be doing.

binge drinking is more important
If Jolene agrees with this guy about the issue of your proximity to her, you’re dead in the water, pal. This guy will probably get her back or she’ll move on to somebody else. But don’t worry about the ex putting moves on your girl. What you should be concerned with is that you’re going out with a 20-year-old kid who thinks more about binge drinking than getting good grades on her exams.

Don’t react to any demands to see Jolene more often. You’re seeing her enough. But you should be worried about her boozing it up because when she’s driving home she might kill somebody or herself. And that’s really a very heavy problem you’re facing here: Your girlfriend’s behind the wheel of a deadly weapon while she’s bombed. I’d say the same thing if she was 40 years young, by the way. The fact that she’s partying with the baseball team is secondary; though I’m sure it’s not something you relish thinking about.

Remember, guys: If your girl likes to get drunk with her ex, you shouldn’t be in love with her.