The Player: Be A Nice Guy And Finish First

The common theory concerning male attitudes is that women often respond to the “bad boy” image. While there is some truth to this -- danger and certain animalistic male traits have always been appealing on a primal level -- the belief that “nice guys finish last” is false. Well, it’s false provided the nice guy on the dating scene doesn’t overplay his hand and come across as timid, awkward and unworthy of the lust he seeks. As is often the case, women require more in the way of emotional balance on your part; in other words, you can’t possibly expect an easy hookup by emphasizing only one tactic.

The unpredictable guy who lives hard and adopts the love-‘em-and-leave-‘em philosophy will inevitably leave a train of disgust in his wake. However, the guy who opens doors and pulls out chairs will also fail if he can’t be spontaneous and passionate. Really, it’s more about respect laced with a touch of deference at just the right moments when it comes to being a nice guy and finishing first.


Gallantry and charm always win
Some of your friends may have provided you with supposed “can’t miss" advice, and it involved indifference toward your preferred lady. Essentially, they’re telling you to play it cool; it’s a definite problem if you come across as desperate and needy, which is why the Player often advocates casual breeziness. However, indifference is more in the “bad boy” category, and while there’s a time and a place for that, the standard rule is that women will always gravitate toward respect and charm. The problem with cool indifference is that it borders on neglect and disinterest and only the most skilled pickup artists can pull it off. Furthermore, the idea that women strangely respond to light abuse is often incorrect; the Player relies on subtle, classy compliments that make her avert her gaze and blush. A perfectly timed compliment is always part of overall charm.

Don’t be too predictable
As I hinted above, just about any technique or style can run its course. For example, while most men really adore a sweet, lovable girl, there comes a time when an overabundance of sweetness finally gets a little tiresome. We humans are odd, in that even the most positive and alluring traits can’t be treasured 24/7, 365 days a year, so the nice guy routine will work just fine -- but don’t pass up opportunities to take her by surprise. She’s going to need those periods of sudden passion and excitement. If you’re the kind of guy who enjoys a routine and always gives your favorite girl the most respect humanly possible, whisk her away on an Alaskan cruise or European excursion; make all the arrangements secretly and spring it on her when she’s least expecting it. It doesn’t have to be big, either; it just has to be something that makes her shriek with pleasant surprise.

Pay attention to her
Strangely enough, the concept of the “nice guy” seems to be utterly lost on a lot of men. They think it revolves entirely around making the woman the center of the universe, and continually providing her with affection and gifts which translates to suffocation. A nice guy understands the give-and-take nature of a relationship and he’s also in tune with the woman’s needs. He pays attention to her without being overbearing. If she requires some time alone, he graciously acquiesces. If she tells him about a special date that means something to her, he remembers it. If she has had a bad week, maybe a night out with dinner and dancing won’t help; maybe she just wants to stay in, relax and rest in your strong arms. Guys will complain: “Geez, what does she want? I got her flowers like every week!” And then they’ll conclude that “nice guys finish last,” all the while never realizing that customary default gifts aren’t synonymous with respect.

Don’t put on a show
It’s one of the mysteries of the Scene that I have never understood: while most guys realize that women aren’t usually attracted to cockiness and boasting, their entire demeanor when first socializing with a woman is often thinly veiled posturing. They’ll exaggerate a bit here and there, they’ll “accidentally” flex a muscle (I’ve had friends tell me this movement is actually subconscious), and when it comes time for the date, they’ll instantly take the lead and, sometimes, without even knowing it, require the girl to follow. You know what nice guys do? They do exactly what ladies often ask of men; they are themselves and speak to the girl as they would speak to any close friend. They’re confident but they’re also relaxed and honest; they’re more than willing to talk about their accomplishments but not without humbleness and an interest in her accomplishments.

happy endings for all
Just about every last woman on the planet will whine: “All I want is a nice guy; is that really so hard to find?” At the same time, a lot of nice guys are shrugging their shoulders, firmly convinced that such women are flat-out lying about the “nice guy” attraction. Oh, but they’re not. You just have to know the operational definition of “nice.”


source: askmen.com