The Vauxhall Astra 1.4 Turbo SE isn't just a 'refresh'; it's a whole new car - new engines, new suspension, new body When I picture you, the reader, it's a classic domestic scene: The Mail on Sunday, kitchen table, bacon and eggs, nice pot of tea. But how do you picture me? Perched at my writing desk in a purpose-built office at the top of the house?
No, no. Let me tell you what I can see right now. Directly in front of me is a row of sunglasses shops and American skinny-latte outlets - and I hate coffee, so this is as close to hell as it gets for me.
To the right of me is a devil child - no, wait, two devil children - bouncing up and down on their plastic seats, making me nod like Churchill the dog every time they land. On the other side, I have a couple arguing about how he left her perfume on the side table when he was packing the suitcase and took out a pair of her shoes to make room for his coat. This has been going on for 40 minutes.
Yes, I'm in an airport. I quite often am when I write these pages, and let me tell you it never gets any easier.
Two seats away it's kicking off big time: there's a woman on the phone to her mate, pouring her heart out and crying into a tissue about her husband, who sounds like a nasty piece of work. If I wanted to write a soap opera, this would be the perfect place to come - there's been more drama here in the past half-hour than in an episode of Corrie. It's not so good for writing 1,000 words for a magazine.
I've just been called onto my flight, so with my legs twisted under the seat in front like I'm trying some painful yoga position, it's time for me to knuckle down and tell you about the new Vauxhall Astra.
The Astra is the fourth-best-selling car in the UK, so to return to my mental picture of you: there's every chance you've got one in the drive. My builder's got one - it looks about 20 years old - and when he saw me pulling up in this, he nearly fell off the shovel he was leaning on. I don't blame him.
This isn't just a 'refresh'; it's a whole new car - new engines, new suspension, new body - as far removed from the first Astra off the Ellesmere Port production line in 1981 as an iPhone is from a Stylophone.
Steering wheel with stereo controls (left); the sleek and stylish front light (right)Talking of Ellesmere Port, I should take a moment here to mention how important the new Astra is to its 2,100 workers: as I write, GM's bosses have been saying rosy things about the car, the plant and its future. But who knows how that story will have developed by the time you read this? I'm better off focusing on the car itself.
I was never a huge fan of the Astra. To me, it's a junior rep's car - the one you drive before you've sold enough cotton-wool buds to get your BMW 3 Series and really go places. That's the only thing I have against it - it's never been a bad car, just one with bad connotations. Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, much has changed with this sixth generation, the first since the Insignia came along and gave Vauxhall a shot of design-led confidence. Gone are the rounded rear end and plain-looking front, as well as the plasticky bumpers that looked bolted on: this is much sleeker. Dare I say it - never thought I would - it's a seriously good-looking car, particularly from the front.
Inside, the dash seems to be a better type of plastic than before, with a nicely symmetrical centre panel, well-presented red-backlit dials and the odd touch of chrome and even ambient lighting to give the impression of Audi-like quality. It works. The driving position is too high for me, even with six-way adjustment, but when I shoved my seat right back I noticed there was still ample space behind me.
There are loads of storage cubbyholes and the floor of the boot can be fixed in three different positions, one of which aligns it with the folded-down rear seats - which was great for me, as I needed to transport hundreds of cookbooks. I got plenty in, but there was a problem.
With all that extra weight, my 1.4-litre petrol turbo had about as much go as my builder's ancient diesel. On my way through the New Forest I got stuck behind a couple of old dears in their Micra. No matter what I did, I couldn't get past, and with all the books sliding around the boot, at one point they even pulled away.
Of course it's unfair to review a car when it's lugging around 20 stone of hardbacks, but Vauxhall makes great claims for this all-new 1.4-litre turbo. Its variable valves are supposed to compensate for heavy loads, and it boasts 138hp and loads of low-rev torque - but that's exactly what I wasn't getting.
Even when I offloaded the books and hit the road home, I still found it almost impossible to overtake anyone.
I suspect that whatever it is they've done to stretch the fuel efficiency to 47mpg (supposedly 58mpg outside of cities) also removes a bit of fun - isn't that always the way with saving the planet?
To be fair, this engine is only about a third of the way up the range, and there was nothing else I didn't like about the car. It's got a nice, smooth ride and it's surprisingly taut in the corners thanks to a 'Watt's linkage' on the rear suspension - a 225-year-old invention that stops the axle moving sideways.
Having lived with the car for a week, I think almost everyone will love it. The thing is, my builder wants one now.
So whenever you picture me, you can picture one of these in my driveway. Knowing builders, it could be there forever.
TECH SPEC£19,490, vauxhall.co.uk
Engine 1.4-litre turbocharged petrol four-cylinder
Power 138hp
Max torque 200Nm at 1,850-4,900rpm
Top speed 128mph
Fuel consumption 47.9mpg
CO2 emissions 139g/km (tax band E)
Transmission Six-speed
Standard features 17in alloys, cornering brake control and cornering torque control, ESP with traction control, ABS with Emergency Brake Assist and Hydraulic Brake Fade Assist, air-con, electric parking brake with hill-start assist, CD/radio/ MP3 player with aux in and steering-wheel-mounted controls, electrically adjustable heated door mirrors, cruise control, auto lights and wipers, Flex-Floor luggage compartment, Trailer Stability Assist, six-way adjustable driver's seat
Optional extras 18in alloys, adaptive suspension, dual-zone air-con, CD500 sat-nav with iPod interface, DAB radio, sports seats, parking sensors, Adaptive Forward Lighting, Flex-Fix bike carrier
source: dailymail
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